Movie Review: The Tourist (2010)

Posted: April 9, 2012 in Drama
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Frank Tupelo(Johnny Depp)  is on vacation in France and Italy trying  to get over a broken heart. Elise-Clifton-Ward (Angelina Jolie) is being tracked by Inspector John Acheson (Paul Bettany)  Elise is the girlfriend of Alexander Pierce, who’s a bank robber and incessant gambler.  Pierce has told Elise to find someone on a train, who’s the same height and build as Pierce and befriend him, to throw police off the trail.  That man is Frank, the police aren’t fooled, they identify the man as Frank Tupelo, but follow Frank to keep him safe, a gambler named Reginald Shaw (Stephen Berkoff) Shaw sends his thugs to get the money that Pierce owes him.   The thugs start chasing Elise and Frank around Italy, sure that either Frank is Alexander Pierce, or Elise can lead them to him.  Is Frank who he says he is?  Is Elise who she says she is?

This is the epitome of Hollywood excess at its worst.  There’s a mindless plot, uninteresting action sequences, some meaningless misdirection that a two year old child wouldn’t fall far.  Worst of all, the leads have no chemistry together, they look absolutely bored with each other.  Jolie looks stiff and stilted , and Depp looks like he could use a nap.  The shame of it is, these two actors are great, and have done so many good movies that it’s almost shocking to  see them go through the motions like this.  Jolie made a much better guess my identity movie called Salt, where she actually made the viewer feel her characters emotions, she can do much better than this drivel.  I know Depp is a great actor, he proved it most recently in Rango, so his paycheck grab in this movie is inexcusable.  I listened to this movie more than watched it, and didn’t miss a thing, that’s how simplistic the plot was, multitask all you want during this film you won’t miss a thing.There was a battle of accents here too, Depp and his French infused American accent and whatever accent that is that Jolie is sporting these days, all of which adds to the general fog of this movie.  Timothy Dalton and Paul Bettany, two fine actors are wasted in the background of this movie.  Dalton probably wishes he was in a Bond movie, any Bond movie, and Bettany  knows that A Beautiful Mind  is a distant memory.

Sometimes a bad movie works as humor, as irony, as something unintended.  This works on none of those levels, this movie is a bloated carcass, a waste of time, money, and the considerable talents of its stars.

The Tourist:  Bring your air sick bag.

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