Movie Review: The Baytown Outlaws (2012)

Posted: April 28, 2013 in Drama

baytown outlaws

The Odie brothers, Brick (Clayne Crawford) McQueen (Travis Finnel) and Lincoln (Daniel Cudmore) have just shot some Mexicans, the brothers thought they were shooting gang bangers, but they picked the wrong house.  Despite the bloody scene, local sheriff Millard (Andre Braugher) does nothing to arrest the Odie brothers.  Celeste (Eva Longoria) seeing that these guys are untouchable by local police hires the Odie brothers to rescue her mentally challenged godson, Rob, (Thomas Brodie Sangster) from her smalltime drug-dealer husband Carlos (Billy Bob Thornton).  Rob is due to inherit a large amount of money when he turns 18, and Carlos wants his hands on that money.  There’s also an ATF agent named Reese (Paul Wesley) digging around sheriff Millard, trying to find out why he is protecting the Odie Brothers. Do the Odie Brothers find Rob before Carlos does?  Why is Millard protecting them?

I must say that the Baytown Outlaws is one of the worst movies I have seen in recent memory.  The whole movie is an anachronism, I wonder if the writer understands the concept of an anachronism, I wonder if the writer can spell the word anachronism.  The Southerners here are slack-jawed yokels, not to mention bigots, longing for the days of the Confederacy.  Does anyone in the South really feel this way?  Maybe, but It doesn’t really matter, that’s how Hollywood portrays Southerners.  The Mexicans are illegals, the women are maids and prostitutes, and the black guy is lazy.  Which moron puts pen to paper and comes up with these vicious stereotypes?  Barry Battles and Griffin Hood are their names,  that’s right, I’m calling these idiots out, they should be on a wanted poster somewhere for crimes against moviegoers.  When two of the main characters are mute, that shows a general lack of willingness to write. They try to schmaltz it up day making the teen the Odie brothers are rescuing a mentally challenged kid, but this film is bathed in too much violence to ever be socially redeeming.

What was Eva Longoria thinking when she made this movie?  Her transition from tv to movies has not been a smooth one. If she thinks her marriage to Tony Parker is torturous, this movie is much worse than any torture Parker put her through. Andre Braugher  probably wishes he was still on Law and Order SVU and is clearly looking to pick up a paycheck, and Billy Bob Thornton’s career has been on a slow descent into Hell since Slingblade.  The actors who played the Odie brothers didn’t really distinguish themselves in this film, but no one else did either.

The Baytown Outlaws:  Should be Otlawed.

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Comments
  1. 11PanzerDivision says:

    I diasagree 100% with your review. As far as shoot-em-up action movies go, The Odie brothers were much more entertaining than a lame ass Sylvester Stalone or Swarzenegger movie. You would have to be a Southern boy to relate to the Odies.

  2. 11PanzerDivision says:

    Also Billy Bob Thorton was pretty funny as “Carlos” the dumbass drug dealer trying to get the cripple boy back from the Odie brothers.

  3. If you think the Odie brothers are entertaining, I disagree. I stand by what I said, the Odie brothers are not a positive reflection of Southern people, if you think they are, keep on thinking that, I will keep on disagreeing

    Look,I get it, there are some movies that are so bad, that they are good. Like Roadhouse, that was a badly written movie, but Patrick Swaze made it entertaining. Baytown Outlaws is not Roadhouse.

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