Movie Review: John Dies At The End (2012)

Posted: June 1, 2013 in Comedy

john dies at the end

David Wong (Chase Williamson) is sitting in a restaurant telling a skeptical newspaper man named Arnie Blondestone (Paul Giamatti) about the effects of a drug nicknamed soy sauce which he accidentally took at a rave.  David can now read people’s thoughts, and talk to dead people.  A cop, Detective Appleton, wants to know why everybody at the rave ended up dead except for David and his friend John.(Rob Mayes)  David finds out that John is really dead, killed by Appleton, and talking to him through his friend Amy’s  (Fabianne Therese) dog Barkley.  John tells David to track down Justin White, (Jimmy Weston) he is the host of some interstellar spores, that plan to infest and kill other humans.  But Justin is just the beginning of David’s problems, there is a parallel planet to earth, with the same history as ours except there’s a large human eating  alien named Kurrock (Kevin Michael Richardson) waiting to cross over to Earth and infict the same horrible damage to Earth that he has on the parallel planet, unless David and John can stop Kurrock.

If you can’t make sense of this plot, worry not, you’re not alone.  If I hit my head with a hammer, repeatedly, I could still write a movie that made more sense than this movie.  A newborn child could throw the contents of his diaper on the wall, and the resulting mess would be more entertaining to watch than this mess.  The first few minutes of John Dies At The End had possibilities, I thought it might be something akin to Zombieland, but the story just made no sense, as you can see above and so the movie is a huge stinking pile of gibberish.  Apparently Paul Giamatti thought enough of this “movie” to not only star in it but also executive produce it .  The acting is not bad, if there was a cohesive logical story here, the low budget look could have been overlooked, or it could have added to the overall campiness of the movie.  Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes, and Giamatti aren’t bad but I don’t envy what they have to say throughout this film.  Please do not watch this movie, even on a dare!  You’ve been warned.

John Dies At the End. Dead On Arrival.

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